Archive for December, 2012

This is basically how I have been feeling the last two weeks and I decieded to release some pressure and write it out, so enjoy.

Pouring Myself Out to God

Words are hard to come by presently, my mind racing with so many things. Looking upon the works of my past cause me to smile and to relive sadness. Writing a few words explaining my feelings cause confusion not clarity, but Your ways I will always know what they shall be.
I wrote about being a guardian, being a protector for the weak; what do I do when I get a new duty every week?
Not a literal week, but with my emotions undulating like a roller-coaster it sometimes feel as though such a plight has befallen me.
Many times I hate myself for it because I find my behavior ludicrous, but I also think it is a side-effect of caring.
You can’t help but care about people when you live in the light, when you see everyone else continuing in their ways of strife. Not that I am much better, I still struggle to my shame, but I can’t help but want to guide people to a better life. You have shown me that life and want them to grasp it, and I want them to find You before they wind up in a casket.
I feel all these things, and yet like I wrote before, I feel so alone. I know you are by my side, it is because of that fact that I keep going; and not like a mindless zombie just trying to make it through the day. I make it through every day with a smile on my face, some pep to my step and a zest for life. You have given this to me, I will not be ashamed.
Part of it could be because of where I live and work, honoring God is last thing upon anyone’s mind, and sometimes being there can be very grinding. The darkness and sin grind upon my soul, trying to be a light in the darkness often takes its toll.
It’s like they say, judgment is easy, but getting emotionally invested in people is not. It’s messy, it hurts and sometimes people can be downright rude. And here I am, getting feelings for another girl for what seems like the fifty-fifth time. Sometimes when I drive in the silence, thinking, I feel like I am about to lose my mind.
And having now written all this, it feels almost like a rant, but there is nothing here that I am willing to recant. It is all true and extremely valid, these concerns have haunted the hallways of my mind for quite some time.
I almost laugh realizing the point of all this. It is the things I have been praying for at the end of every line. Let me be humble, give You all the praise. Let me use my time wisely, so I don’t end up in a daze. Let me realize the importance of every action, so I don’t fall into the trap that nothing matters except when there’s an election. A brother to Your daughters, to put my ego and desires aside. To flee from the ways of evil and to cling to that which is alive. Working not for temporal pleasures, but for an eternal home. But always hoping for that special girl so that I will no longer be alone. Let me be a friend to all, but always willing to tell the truth. Let me keep grinding it out for Your name so that the world will see the proof.
These are the things I pray, I glimpse into my mind. When I see it all on paper, sometimes I think I won’t be fine. But I will be fine if I stay with the Spirit, to Your presence O’ Lord keep me near it. So I put on the armor for what feels like the first and last time, let me spread Your glory and tell Your story; I am ready to rise or die.

The end of the world has come…or so at least some say; but truth be told, I never knew the end of the world coincided with the election of a president. And however illogical that statement is, there is still going to be a sizable minority who believe that the election of a single person will either save or doom a nation. They are the Chicken Little’s of the world who believe that because of a single event the world as we know it will collapse to pieces.

The only thing I know that is collapsing is the frail thing known as humanity; it’s the reason we are in the problem we find ourselves in, whether personal or national. The reason humanity, we the people, are failing is because we keep putting ourselves first and others last.

This isn’t something new; it has been going on ever since we took that first fateful bite of disobedience. Our natural inclination is to sin, as shown in Romans 7:14-25, and as such it is a struggle for us to put others in front of ourselves. We desire to do right, but we only end up in the lamentation Paul expresses in these verses.
            So we have identified the problem, what then are we going to do about it? Only one thing to do: run no matter what troubles beset us. I could write plenty of words to expand upon what I am saying, but find that the words of the Bible are much more efficient of my own.

We have around us many people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before Him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne. Think about Jesus’ example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So do not get tired and stop trying. Hebrews 12:1-3.


What I want you to take from these verses and the verses before it, the stories of others who did not see the promise of Christ but suffered terrible things for a future hope (Hebrews 11). We as humans, but especially as Christians are not promised anything. The political pundits may say we deserve everything under the sky and more, but this simply is not true, no matter how much our sinful flesh may wish for it to be.

What I mean to say with all these words is that no matter what the world throws at us, we cannot give up, for it is at that very moment when everything seems darkest that we are needed the most. So smile, lift up your head, and keep your legs moving, because every life matters, every choice matters, and there is a God who is in control. We all walk this road together, let us encourage each other and no matter what may befall us; good shall prevail, even if we do not see good wipe away the veil of darkness in our lifetime. We must embrace sacrifice and not selfishness, no matter how much it hurts. It will be a struggle for all of us, even me, but it’s like they say “anything worth doing is worth doing right.”

So let us do what is right and “run the race that is before us and never give up.” There are too many others out there in the darkness depending upon us to bring the light. Our road may be hard and full of peril, and there will be times of temptation and trials of pain that will beg us to just stop trying.

But remember the words in Hebrews, let us remember those who did not give in; and let us remember that Jesus Christ prevailed, let us remember that no matter how dark times may seem, good always prevails. Good always prevails.